“Some people think that holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”
Hermann Hesse
When you have been with a person for a very long time, it is very natural to develop an emotional attachment with them. The closeness can vary — it can be an unrequited love, a deep friendship that has turned sour, or a relationship that no longer serves you. No matter the type, emotionally detaching from someone can be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. But when a relationship begins to take a toll on your mental well-being, learning to let go is not just necessary — it is essential.
The first step in this process is to recognize whether the relationship is truly unhealthy or if you are overthinking and exaggerating the situation in your mind. Emotional attachment has a way of blinding us to reality. When you deeply care about someone, you go out of your way for them and, naturally, expect the same effort in return.
However, people are different, and they don’t always operate on the same wavelength. Their priorities may not align with yours, and their way of expressing care might not match your expectations. This doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t value you — it simply means they are who they are, and you cannot control how they feel or act.
Once you have acknowledged the reality, the next thing to do is to stop blaming — both yourself and the other person. When you invest time, energy, and emotions into someone and they don’t reciprocate in the way you hope, it is easy to feel hurt, disappointed, and even resentful. But holding on to blame only prolongs your suffering.
You might find yourself thinking, “Why didn’t they appreciate me?” or “What did I do wrong?” This is where you need to shift your perspective. People act in ways that make sense to them. Maybe they never felt the same way about you, maybe they are dealing with their own battles, or maybe they are just incapable of giving you what you need.
It is not always about you, and it is not always about them either. It is just the way things are. The moment you stop assigning blame, you free yourself from emotional turmoil and create space for healing.
Detaching from someone does not mean you must become cold or indifferent. You can still care about them, but without expectations. Expectations are the root of most emotional suffering.
When you expect someone to behave in a certain way, to respond with the same level of affection and care you provide, you set yourself up for disappointment. If you truly want to free yourself from emotional attachment, you need to do things for others without expecting anything in return.
Give because you want to give, not because you hope for something in exchange. Love because it is in your nature, not because you want validation. This shift in mindset will change the way you view relationships and help you find peace even when things don’t go the way you wanted them to.
Another important step in detaching is creating boundaries. If being around someone constantly reminds you of your emotional pain, then you need to establish some distance.
This doesn’t mean cutting them off completely, but it does mean prioritizing your mental well-being. If their presence, their words, or even the memories you share with them keep pulling you back into a cycle of hurt, then stepping away is necessary.
Distance gives you clarity. It allows you to see things for what they truly are rather than what you wished them to be.
Letting go is not an overnight process. Some days you will feel free, and other days you will feel like you have taken ten steps backward. That is normal. Healing is never linear. You might find yourself reminiscing, missing them, wondering if you made the right decision.
But remind yourself why you started this journey in the first place. Remind yourself of the nights you spent overthinking, of the emotional exhaustion, of the self-doubt their presence brought into your life. You chose detachment for a reason — hold onto that reason.
With time, you will realize that detachment does not mean losing love — it means gaining yourself. It means no longer basing your happiness on someone else’s actions. It means no longer waiting for validation from a person who may never give it.
It means embracing your own worth, your own peace, and your own happiness. And once you have truly detached, you will see that you were never really losing anything. You were just making space for something better.
